Please check back next week for more of our lesson. I just packed two of every kind of animal into one measly ark. . We forget how precious they are to God and that once upon a time we were given God's grace when we repented and turned to Him. Noah: I’m putting a curse on your son, Canaan! Did you just say they will die if they touch any of the sacred objects? Let’s go get a blanket to put over Dad’s buck nakedness. got it. King B to the only King left who was paying any attention at all (King #228): No let’s send a dumb little boy to take Samson by the hand, and lead Samson, the strongest man who ever lived, out to us and have him stand between those two pillars over there. It was really hot up on that hill and despite Jonah's terrible attitude, God sent a plant to shade Jonah from the elements. So he probably got pretty good at giving sermons. That's funny. Hi Jackie, thanks for visiting. Betty: You mean he didn’t mention it before now? He killed the lion with his bare hands. So Sarah laughed to herself as she thought, “After I am worn out and my lord is old, will I now have this pleasure?”, Then the Lord said to Abraham, “Why did Sarah laugh and say, ‘Will I really have a child, now that I am old?’ Is anything too hard for the Lord? Come on! . I see by your name tag that you’re a Jew and I’m a Samaritan and Jews never drink out of Samaritan cups! . Let’s listen in as Gregory tells us how it all happened. . “But so that we may not cause offense, go to the lake and throw out your line. grape juice. Does anyone still get that? Consider that many of the disciples were seasoned fisherman and had spent years on the Sea of Galilee. Jonah confessed that he was the reason they were in peril and why. . But mostly Noah sat around just whining and complaining to his wife, Betty, about how much he missed mankind. . Moses: Oy! my Pig Latin’s a little rusty, sorry. got it. We can safely say that there are important lessons in every story and passage in the Bible, even the ones that make us see the funny or strange parts. He did have a weakness though - women, gentile women. Give praise to the Lord the God of Shem! . The absurdity of their sinful choices and behavior can be rather funny and Jesus often used irony and sarcasm to reveal their folly. King #228: You mean, Samson, the strongest man who ever lived, who is at this very moment locked up in the basement with the recently shorn hair and the even more recently poked out eyes? . This story funny to me because of how specific this passage is. WHO SET MY CHEESE AFIRE? They both thought their god was better and more powerful than the other. . The pride of greed for power and glory will catch up to us. The pool had five porches upon which lay a lot of unhealthy people waiting to take a dip. Why were so many kids out on the road mocking the prophet? If we ain't having fun put that old stone around my neck and dump me in our local fishing pond. Paul spent most of the New Testament traveling around the Mediterranean region preaching the gospel. Moses: Okaaaay . . At the sight of God’s angel, Balaam’s donkey refused to move forward. Young Man Whose Sole Job It Was To Carry Jonathan’s Weapons: “H. They'd been with Jesus for a long time and seen him do mighty works and miracles and yet they did not trust him through the storm. What else? But when the caravan reached the tree, it didn’t have any delicious figs ready to eat. We should have a heart for the lost and give them the good news with love. Noah: Okay, but wake me up when it’s time for soccer practice. (It’s not as bad as it sounds because he was waiting in line while lying on his bed.) . “Like a gold ring in a pig’s snout is a beautiful woman who shows no discretion.” — Proverbs 11:22, “Better to live on a corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife.” — Proverbs 21:9, “As a dog returns to its vomit, so a fool repeats his folly.” — Proverbs 31:6. Get out! These days, we have a term for getting angry because of hunger — hangry. This might be a good time to explain that the Bethesda Memorial Pool could cure disease if (and that’s a big if) you were lucky enough to be the first person to jump in the water after a heavenly angel would pop down and stir it with a Heavenly Egg Beater. He tied their tails together and put torches on them and sent them out into the Philistine's grain field and burned it all down. That funny bible! He must be, why? . . It would be in a few short hours Peter would deny even knowing Him. When Peter cut off Malchus' ear, he wanted to protect and defend his Friend. I never forget a face though! I just got all the animals packed in the Ark so they fit nicely and now God has added seven pairs of each kind of ritually clean animal and seven pairs of each kind of bird to the list. is a grasshopper the same as a locust? May put me in search of those stories just for fun reading. (Remember, this was before the invention of Bic lighters.) The Lord: No, by Golly, that was blood crying out from the soil, alright. . “On the first day of the week we came together to break bread. “From there Elisha went up to Bethel. The Israelites cried out to the Lord, and the Lord, who was wondering when they were going to cry out, sent them a prophet who came to them with a message from the Lord. How many bites do you think it took him to finish it? When she heard about it and realized the now grown third son was not going to marry her she pulled a fast one. Abraham and Sarah were already very old, and Sarah was past the age of childbearing. That’s when Jesus got upset. While Noah’s wife and Noah’s three sons Ham, Shem and Japheth and their kids enjoyed sifting through the flood debris for cool stuff, Noah spent most of the time moping in his tent and picking the mud off his robe. . Hahaha! A . . We’ve got to get going! . . . Aaron: Okay, but can we stay at a different hotel tonight? and cover box with it . Moses: Yes. Seconds later, the Lord showed up on his pillar cloud and told Moses that because the unwashed masses didn’t want to go into battle, the Lord was going to kill each and every one of them including their children and grandchildren — then scatter their corpses across the wilderness, Moses thought it might be a good time to stage a drunk with power intervention. Lori Colbo (author) from Pacific Northwest on March 30, 2019: Dear Dora, what a lovely comment. MOTL: I read the tree plaque. Indeed the water I give will become a spring of water welling up to eternal life. Cain: Hi Lord. I'm glad you chose some good ones for this article. . It was dark. Aaron: I don’t think we have time. So she did and when they came after him he pulled his hair out of the loom unscathed. When he arrived into the deep a hungry whale came by and inhaled Jonah into his stomach. You’re not still packing are you? After they were done singing, the energy in the room went way down: King A to King B: This party’s getting kind of dull, don’t you think? Sorry, I don’t remember his name . Servant: Yeah . However, he suffered from male-pattern baldness and was obviously self-conscious about it. It’s half-past eternity already. When he was sound asleep, he fell to the ground from the third story and was picked up dead.” — Acts 20:7–9. The fact is, you have had five husbands and the man you now have is not your husband. So God sent an angel to oppose him. Probably embarrassed by the whole situation, Paul brought the kid back to life, like nothing had ever happened. now that I think about it, I cock-a-doodle, “And that’s why the chicken crossed the road? I’m just going to polish off the rest of these First-Born Lamb Sliders. Welcome Dear Readers to this week’s edition of Gregory’s Bible Stories. With that, the pharaoh and his priests walked back to the pyramid. Today, our story begins just after the Apostle Paul has been released from prison in the town of Caesarea (home of the Caesarea Salad) after a little misunderstanding between Paul and some Asian Jews or perhaps they were Jewish Asians (Some scholars believe that was the crux of the misunderstanding right there). I can’t hear you over all the snorting and the squealing and the bow-wowing. Some living water and then you would never be thirsty again. James was the first disciple to succumb to martyrdom which in those days was fatal. Moses: . It weighed two shekels which equaled four to five pounds. Even if it’s just making fun of their bald spot. . Since this was before Chick-fil-A, they didn’t have easy access to food while they were traveling. We have officially risen 25 feet above the tops of the mountains! He went to Ashkelon, killed thirty men, took their clothes and gave them to his friends. Within the pages of Scripture are many stories that are obscure and bizarre. Gideon: Yeah right. oh! I can call legions of angels if I wanted to. Seriously? She went to Samson, weeping and telling him "You don't love me, you hate me because you haven't told me the answer." When God gives you a direct command, it’s usually wise to do it. Judah married a woman from Shua and had three children with her - Er, Onan, and Shelah. They'd seen a lot of storms in their day, so this storm was a big deal. This is funny. Don't you think I can take care of myself? The bible says there were so many Midianites that they and their camels couldn’t be counted, but most scholars believe this is simply because they wouldn’t hold still long enough. .hic . . The deal was sealed by giving Boaz his sandal. What you just said is true. You will defeat the Midianites as if they were only one man. In addition to pointing out the humor, you make people want to read or reread the story. Their unleavened bread torch takes forever, and we’ll be late for our appointment with the pharaoh. Plus, can you imagine how strange it would be to live on the corner of a roof? But then again, the Bible is the inspired Word of the almighty and ineffable God, so maybe we shouldn’t be so surprised that things seem a bit strange at times.